The World that is Glasgow

“oh it’s a small world intit” you here this a lot in the old Glasvegas because when compared to the rest of the world the valley that is Glasgow is not that big, it’s just the characters in it that make it feel like the big city.
So in Glasgow it’s no doubt you could bump into someone or link someone to someone you know. But sometimes it’s usually or mostly people you stumble across that if you met them again it would be too soon.

Take for instance the time I’m in my local video shop & this couple are in there too. The girl keeps smiling & trying to catch my eye & as we near the counter together she gives in & asks “are you Alistair” to which I say “no sorry” smile & turn away. But not giving in due to her certainty she says “sorry but I’m positive I know you how is it I know you?” she smiles. Well if she didn’t ask I could have spared her blushes, I said “my names Martin you know me from when you came into the store I manage. You tried to return a pair of shoes because they were the wrong size but I could not give you an exchange because you’d already worn them. You proceeded to call me an anal retentive arsehole, amongst other things, as well as calling a member of my staff a stuck up cow. Then I had to get security to remove you from the store”. Her face was a picture. I didn’t tell her in a gloating manner but as in ‘a matter of fact, as you do’ type of way. She was scarlet because when she made her big “how do I know you” introduction the whole video store was in on the conversation. This girl & her boyfriend just stood there the tense silence was deafening but he couldn’t hack it he put the video down (yes video not DVD) turned & walked out the store shaking his head. I guess this happens a lot. My new affronted friend chases after her matching scarlet boyfriend shouting “where are you going, just leave me why don’t yeh!!”. Never seen them again, I wonder how they’re getting on.

I wouldn’t say Glasgows got bigger but as opposed to the early 90’s there’s a lot more pubs and clubs.

In the early 90’s there were only a handful of half decent places to go on a night out so most likely you were always going to share some uncomfortable time with an ex or that annoying person who wanted to be your pal. We didn’t have stalkers back then they weren’t invented yet.

There was always Eastenders moments in pubs & clubs back then because of these unavoidable meetings. Unless you decided to start drinking in ‘old man’ pubs or go to one of the more dodgy clubs, it was through to Edinburgh with a backpack for a night out.

I always remember sitting having my lunch in the staff room of a shop I worked in & one of the girls I worked with brought out pictures of her birthday from the previous week. So we’re passing these pictures round when one of the other girls I worked with stands up holding a picture, hand to mouth she bursts into floods of tears drops the picture & storms out the staffroom. We later found out that in the photo’s background (in Darcy’s) there pictured was her Fiancé & his ex girlfriend having a snog. Rule 1 broken right there, don’t shit on your own doorstep. But back then it was hard not to. I mean what was the guy meant to do take this girl for a pint at the horseshoe? Please ladies, I joke here.

Ive been told by Glaswegian friends who don't live in Glasgow anymore that "when you come back there's wee changes here and there but the folk are just the same". I know what they mean but I'm changing & getting older or I certainly feel it when you go to an old haunt like say 'The Rock Garden' or whatever it's called now & they're playing rock music by christ....where's Tosh spinning the old Jaydee "Plastic Dreams" & Joey Beltram "Energy Flash".

So I bet your hoping that I tell you some of my soap opera moments from the pub/club or should I say ‘Subclub’ days?? Well that’s rule 2, “no dirty laundry in public!!” ya nosey swines.