Chipie & Pin no cheques please!!

I read that their getting shot of cheques I wish they did years ago.

Im working in Chipie jeans in the Italian Centre & it's 1995 & it’s a nightmare when you tell people you work in Chipie because they get the wrong idea. Take for instance Im at a ‘dinner party’ in Eddyburger at some fancy lassies party & this guy in a tweed jacket says “& what is it you do yourself Mark” so were off to a good start with the name error. I say “I work in Chipie in the Italian centre in Glasgow” & he goes off on one about when he was a student he worked in a burger bar. Chipie Jeans ya silver spoon moothed donut ye & it’s Martin no Mark.

So Anyways there me in Chipie graftin away hard drinkin cherry coke & reading Mixmag listening to The Brand New Heavies, I wonder why we closed down?. Chipie was a teeny wee shop two floors. Each floor no bigger than the average living room & when it was busy it was busy but when it was dead it was deeeeeeed. On the shop floor that day was Chris Harris of Glasgow DJ fame, Mick Corcorran of Micks soul mix tapes no fame & Jacqueline Meikle wife of Orde Meikle of the Slam duo. In walks these two girls (each a nine) so am up like a shot super helpful salesman & out sharked Chris & Mick on this sale who are now trying to make me laugh with gestures of a sexual nature to the disgust of Jaq who’d seen this all before. “What’s that you’re from Ireland you say looking for a good night out” says I gifting free passes to the Subby (Sub club). So after some chat (ing up) & roping in a sale & possible meeting later it’s to the matter of the transaction for the goods to be purchased.

So one of the lovely ladies writes out a cheque & hands me her cheque guarantee card. The goods are over fifty quid & her cards guaranteed to a 50 limit, nightmare I have to phone for authorisation. I hate this coz you feel ded flustered in front of not just the customer but having to do your telephone voice with Chris & Mick wizzin their pants at you. So theres me on the phone to the cheque guarantee folk & the English girl with the gusto of a stoned accountant at a Dido concert “is tha custama there wif yoooo…blah….caaaad numba please…blah…”. Jaq feels my pain & kindly turns down the Brand New Heavies who are now “dream on dreamer life is in your way…”.
So then the girl on the phone asks me “& could you give me the name on tha caad please?” so I looks at the name & this is the first I’ve ever seen this name in text, I say “Sio ban Fahey” now I say it like (Sio-ban!) like in two syllables. I hear Chris & Mick scramblin doon the stairs gruntin with laughter & I look up Jaq is now trying to pretend she’s folding a jumper but almost trying to fold her head in there as well as her shoulders can’t disguise here hysterics I look at the customer & like a chorus the customer & the girl on the phone say “Siobhan…..Siobhan Fahey”. GROUND SWALLOW ME NOW!!

Months I had to deal with that, not just Mick or Chris or Jaq but they had other folk phoning the shop sayin “is Sio Ban there…” & getting girls in pubs to come up to me “Hi are you Martin…..Im Sio Ban”.

I don’t work in shops now but thank god for chip & pin I say.